Things I suck at:

I can officially add "regularly updating a blog" to the long list of things at which I'm just no God-damned good. After the initial excitement of the blog's novelty wore off we were terrible about updating this thing. Then the beard-off came around and like an pro athlete suddenly traded to a winning team we rocked it for about two months only to watch our performance fall off like a bunch of no-heart sad-sacks. Unfortunately for our four devoted readers I don't think the blog updates will be coming with any increased frequency. So as an apology and in the spirit of self-flagellation I give you a short list of things Cole sucks at:

1. The performing arts - This would include dancing, singing, theater, etc. I'm just really uncoordinated, tone deaf, and generally untalented when it comes down to it. Although the fact that I suck ass in these aspects doesn't prevent me from appreciating the talents of others.

2. Cooking - I can't pinpoint the reason for this one, but I think it comes down to my lack of interest. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy good food, but I could care less about how it gets from the ingredient stage to the part where I stab it with my fork. Most of my cooking experimentation consists of finding ways to cook faster. Case in point, I now microwave my condensed soup.

3. Keeping in touch with people - I think the cause of this one is my need to focus all my energy on not sucking at whatever I'm currently doing. This makes me forget to contact everyone from my friends to my grandma (sorry Emma, the Twins are on a hot streak).

4. Growing up - Pretty self-explanatory. I agonize over being tied down by the purchase of a vacuum cleaner. Ben Folds sang about it, I live it.

5. Applying sunscreen - For some reason every summer I forget that I'm so white that I could be considered transparent and I decide that I don't need sunscreen. Part of it is my desire for that beautiful, deep tan that people of other ethnic backgrounds enjoy, and the other part is ignorance about the effects of skin cancer. However, as evidenced by family history my heart will suddenly explode before I ever experience the pain of melanoma. Thank God.

So there you go folks! I know there's stuff that I'm good at too, but no one really wants to read about that. Feel free to add anything that I missed, but please be gentle.


Now in facial hair related news: Jason Giambi's mustache kicks ass! We debated about this during the beard-off, but now I'm well-convinced that steroids would unfairly enhance beard-off performance.