Beard Off Strategy

This is my first post in a long time, but I figured I should provide some supporting information to go along with the beard off. First off, welcome to any new readers the beard off has attracted. This is blog is basically a side project that wastes the time of the three or four of us that write on it and also wastes the time of the three or four people that actually read it. I would describe it as the world's number one source of information on Fighting Sioux hockey, Chris Collinsworth, and beard growing.
Our third focus is the reason for this post and for any upswing in our site's traffic. As you can see from the pictures below John and I have begun a serious beard growing competition. So I thought I'd share a little bit of my strategy while the contest is still in it's peach fuzz phase. I have a patented three-part beard growing system that I follow in these situations. Part one: I usually grow a series of three and four day "mini-beards." This serves to train my face for the rigors of beard carrying. Part two: constant face massages to stimulate the growing folicles. Part three: beard food and environment. I usually eat a lot of meat during beard growing (probably double the USDA daily recommended value). However, environment is where I think my competitive advantage lies. While John is reading books and listening to people talk about things, I'll be surrounded by gloriously-bearded construction workers and truck drivers.
As you readers can see I've got this competition well in hand, so my advice to all of you would be to sit back, enjoy the pictures and posts, and wish John luck. And to John... take a second and enjoy the the view as I fly right by you.